Traci Clarida is an author, speaker, and coach whose vibrant energy spreads positivity, love, and compassion to the world. She inspires women to get “stuff” done through authentic living and embracing “perfect imperfection.” She teaches clients how to find freedom from self-judgment and provides proven strategies to guide them to overcome obstacles, complete goals and execute solid plans for success. Follow Traci on FB and Instagram. For more information visit www.letsgetstuffdone.com
I am not a licensed therapist, a dating coach or a life coach. I just have read a lot of psychology books, divorce books and dating books and have a keen interest in those topics. I want to share my practices in the hope of helping others.
I married the first time at 20 while still in college. We were married for 15 years, so I didn’t live on my own and learn to be independent until much later. After divorce #1, I was a single mother with custody of my 2 kids…working and trying online dating. I met and dated several men online, but the creeps out-numbered the nice guys. Ironically, I met someone on a blind date (not from a dating site) and after almost 3 years of dating, we married. Little did I know that I really wasn’t ready for marriage #2. Nine and a half years later we divorced. Financial difficulties and his job losses kept me in the marriage longer than I would have liked. I just couldn’t divorce him while he was jobless. Sad, but that’s why I stuck around for the last 3 years.
Girlfriend fears for the future …. how can I take care of her (in the event that she may need me). She has clearly stated that she cannot take such a risk. She lives with the memory of her Dad who lost everything in bankruptcy about 15 years ago…and died early from alcoholism. She had to quit college because no money.
You might get lucky. I know a fairly successful man who married a woman in her late 40’s with preteen kids. Unfortunately though most successful guys are looking for younger women without kids or other baggage. I have to admit that I fit in that category.
Few American 50ish women would “settle” for my lifestyle. That’s fine. Your choice. Your loss. I have all my hair, teeth, intellect, health (down to the plumbing working quite well), and I have tried the go-around with the 50’s female crowd, and it’s just tiring. And you don’t want me anyway, so alls well that ends well.
I also use my own private dating stories and thoughts. I have been trained as a scientist and have attempted to use my training in that field in my writing along with my interests and practices.
JaneDow, It is refreshing to see your comments coming from an American woman today. I am glad to see that you seem to know that all men are not like your ex-husband. Many women seem to be brainwashed by feminists. I think, in the future, women will find out how much damage they did to them. You seem to have a very good attitude. Kind of what women were meant to be like. I feel your good desires for the right kind of relationship with a man. Most American women today are hostile toward men. They keep telling us what they don’t need from men! Then why are they on a forum like this. I have seen them on singles sites complaining about men who go to other countries to find women who are warm, tender, feminine, and agreeable. Why should they care if men do that? They hate men anyway…REAL MEN! They should distance themselves from men altogether. It would stop confusing the room or landscape, as you might call it. I am 52 and have never married but wanted to if I had found her. I wish you well in your search for a caring man for your life!!
A major problem with relationships nowadays isn’t a man or woman thing. We’re all way too self-absorbed and concerned with the unholy trinity: Me, myself and I.
Many people in midlife have family obligations that limit the time they can devote to dating. They may spend their days rushing from work to afterschool activities and then home to help with homework. The difficulties multiply if they have children with special needs, such as developmental disabilities or chronic illnesses. Many middle-aged people are responsible for the care of their aging parents. Those caught in "the sandwich generation" -- squeezed between the needs of young children and those of aging parents – sometimes despair of ever having a social life again.
After spending the last hour reading through all of the comments from readers here, yours is the only one that struck me as coming from a place of complete emotional health. So glad I hung in there until the end!
This is in response to the guy who thinks women are a drag who are going thru menopause. You are kidding yourself if you dont think men dont go thru change. Ive been dating same guy for 10 yrs. And boy oh boy is he going thru the change. He may not have ovaries that stop working but he and men of his age (56) go thru physical changes too, and that change is no more testosterone. The low production of testerone makes men just as moody, irritable, unpleasant to be around as some women having a bad menopause time. Men go thru depression, insomnia, low sex drive etc when they get to middle age and their bodies also stop producing certain hormones. So that whole notion that women are the only ones whose bodies and emotions change in middle age is bull****. Why do you thi k mdn have to rely on biBra so mou h now in their midlife. All men will eventually notice their bodies going thru a “change” too. It’s inevitable. My boyfriend is honest with me and has told me he definitely is starting to feel changes; we both do, but he doesnt go around acting like I’m the only one getting older and going thru hormonal changes, he’s very aware hes going thru it too. Dating in midlife to me is about companionship. I am not looking to get married again. I bought my own home after I got divprced, and it was not from alimony, I got nothing when I got divorced. I bought my own home thru hard work and saving after I got divorced, and I’m not selling my home to move in with anyone. I have a stressful job and I prefer to come home to my own house after a long day. So you men out there who think women just want to get married……..think again.
And this is why I don’t date anymore. I’ve accepted I may be alone for the rest of my days, and I’m ok with it now. I can’t feel bad because my body is going through menopause and a man won’t be attracted to me for that reason. It sucks at times to feel lonely and wish you had a man at your side, but life is too short to be anything but happy with yourself and your life. I’m beautiful and amazing! A man is missing out on a great woman!!
What a dilemma, being single over 50! Life is too short to sit on the couch and I’m not willing to go through another heart ache. I like the security of my nest… it recharges my focus, drive and zest for living life but I love being social.
Thanks Mark. I’m just going with the flow. It’s taking a little getting used to not checking my online dating site for messages but so far I’m pretty happy just letting things be. I’m going to join the local corvette club so I’m excited about that. Thanks for the tips.
All of us are choosing wisely, as we do have, at least some interest in remarrying, but this time we are hoping to find a keeper (and be one), and it may take a while, in these parts!
